The most important love story you will experience in your life is your relationship with yourself.
The reason why self-love is so important, is that all other relationships will be shaped depending on the relationship you have cultivated with yourself. The relationships with others would be a mirror of your inner world.
But how can we cultivate this love; first we need to understand that the way we love, and care for ourselves, and the healthy boundaries we have with others, are a reflection of the way our mothers, mothered us, and the way they care for themselves as well. Our mothers are the first relationship we have as humans, and so the characteristics of this relationship will be the pattern we bring into our lives, whether our mothers were nurturing or emotionally unavailable, determines the way we will seek to be loved, and will create an energetic pattern of what loves looks like. So becoming aware of how your inner child was treated and if her/his emotional needs were met is key in our journey to self-love.
Second, the way our mothers care for themselves, and created healthy boundaries for themselves, and their relationships with their partners, will have an impact on how we experience, and manifest relationships later on in life; this does not only impacts our romantic relationships; but our friendships and work dynamics. Bringing awareness about how we witness our mothers taking care or not of themselves, and their relationship dynamics can give us clues about our relationship with ourselves, and the dynamics in our relationship with others.
Lastly, the relationship with our mothers is the one that shapes our self-esteem, so the way our mother will celebrate, criticize, control, neglect, talk, and demand or condemn behaviors from us, will have an impact on our capacity to accept and love ourselves the way we are; but also the way our mothers or primary caregiver will talk to themselves, and the way they would or not accept themselves affects the way we measure ourselves, and others as worthy in the future. The journey of self-love is one of tracing back all the stories as children, and the stories in our lineage, is a journey of becoming aware of patterns, dynamics, and belief systems within our family and starting to promote new ones in favor of self-love, acceptance, and healthy boundaries.
Our inner children are the ones that hold all the answers and the power to bring and manifest a life of love and joy. So check with your inner child, to find the answers when it comes to what we need to feel loved, and what was missed in that journey, as our parents did the best they could with the resources they were given; but as we become adults it is our responsibility, and right to give our inner child what they need to start manifesting, nurturing, loving and respectful relationships, I would say if there is something that keep manifesting in the realm of relationships for you, is time to check with your inner girl or boy.
Now after talking About the role, and the impact on our self-love and relationships from our relationship with our mother, let's talk about our fathers, Our relationship with our father has an impact on how we create healthy boundaries for ourselves and with others, that primal masculine energy guides our inner boundaries for the protection of our genuine self, and our life force; so if you feel drained, and or you feel you have to hide parts of yourself to be with others, then check on that relationship with your father and your father with others. The way our fathers face the world and set healthy boundaries for themselves and the good of the family will shape, our capacity to create these very essential boundaries for ourselves so we do not fall into patterns like people pleasing.
Even though the relationship with our parents or our primary caregivers set us up, on this journey to self-love, once we become adults it is a journey that we have to start for ourselves. And this journey starts with becoming aware of what our inner child needs and what is he or she holding in, all the tears and screams that could not be expressed, or were not heard, or perhaps the excessive criticism or the lack of interest, as our upbringing the journey to reconnect with self-love is unique; but you can start by checking with your inner child, and it is never too late, it is always so powerful to hear, to hold space, to nurture and heal your inner child, for it will result in more self-love, acceptance, and hopefully new and more healthy ways of loving yourself.
Way to support and heal our inner child comes in many ways; supporting the expression of suppressed emotions through, somatic practices allow us much time to come back into our body and thus have a healthier body psyche relationship, as well as being able to overcome chronic pain or disorders, not link to a specific diagnosis. Shadow work, identifying the parts of ourselves that we have pushed away or were pushed away by our parents and starting to reintegrate them, and lastly, of course, any inner child work and ancestral healing work. Whatever your is your recipe, now that the inner child holds the answers and the power to bring you back to self-love as children never wonder if they are worthy or special, as you should not be questioned either.
If you feel a call to ancestral work to reconnect with love, we offer Ancestral healing, Through family constellations in private and group settings; but remember you hold the power and you are the most powerful medicine, I am here to support the alchemy of your heart.
Contact me through the web page or on my Instagram @loremati or book a private hire.
Join us at our Ancestral and inner child Alchemy Retreat on June 21st, 2023 In San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.
